Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What Would Jesus Watch?

There is much talk about this Jesus character. Many people in the world claim to know Him well. Well, if you know Him so well, what are His favorite movies? I mean really, you don't know much about His taste in films. Lucky for you, I do. I even know which movies He loves to curl up on the couch with Dad (God) and watch tearfully.

1. The Passion - Jesus loved The Passion. He was thrilled to hear His old language again (He hates subtitles).
2. 300 - It's a common misconception that Jesus hates violence. He actually thought this movie just wasn't bloody enough. But, He really identified with its Messianic themes.
3. Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat - He's a sucker for a Bible story gone musical. After all, who isn't?
4. The Greatest Story Ever Told - The Son of God is a little full of himself.
5. Jesus Christ Superstar - Okay. He's really full of himself.
6. The Exorcist - That vomit! That spider-walk! And moreover, Jesus can't get enough of movies that portray priests as heroes. Because we know what they really do. (Molest children, not exorcise demons from them)
7. Terminator 2: Judgement Day - Jesus asked His Father that the real Judgement Day be more like this film and less like the Renaissance interpretations. But! He still wants us to be nude. Silly Jesus, He's so wacky sometimes.

8. Dogma - He died (as much as Jesus can die) laughing at that shit monster. Though He doesn't much care for Ryan Reynolds, he let it go since he played a demon.
9. Ghost - Though this movie really has no bearing on what actually happens when you die, it's still an enjoyable film, and Jesus has always had a strange affinity for Whoopie Goldberg.
10. Ben Hur - The nine hour epic film from 1959 (it is literally 281 minutes long) is practically unwatchable, unless you have that much time on your hands and some sort of magical skill that keeps from falling asleep during a one hour montage of wind blown sand. Which, lucky for Jesus, He's got both.

A Few Movies He Hates:

The Last Temptation of Christ - Uhh He's the son of God. He doesn't get tempted by shit. Don't you dare try and humanize Him! Hollywood is so dumb sometimes.

Monty Python's Life of Brian - That's just not funny. Except for that one scene with the naked guy and the beard. Yeah, that's funny. See!?!

The Da Vinci Code - It had very little to do with the subject of the film, but rather His heartfelt disappointment with Tom Hanks.

What films do you think He hates? I'll let you know if you're wrong or right.

1 comment:

  1. LOL....great blog! Some nice reads. I am going to have fun looking around more!

    Kelly ~ CraftyGardenerTN @ Swap-bot


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